i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
