first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
