I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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