if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize