So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
