Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
