I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
