I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think my fart just growled at me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
