If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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