My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
