Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
