i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
