You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
