I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
