hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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