there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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