You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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