Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
