I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
