This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
