i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
