You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
