i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
