It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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