i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
