We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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