K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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