Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
