Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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