I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
