That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
