it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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