Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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