just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
