The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize