can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
