The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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