hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
