three words: i give head
three words: not that well
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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