It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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