But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
