I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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