My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
