Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
