you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
