Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
