Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
