I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
