All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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