I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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