We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
