Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
