I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
