when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
