We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
