Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
