they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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