the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
