Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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