What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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