It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
COCAINE IS GR8
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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