Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
