Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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